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"Sir," Uhuru looked up from her console, pressing her earpiece
lightly, "we're being hailed."
"Source?" Captain James T. Kirk asked, mild concern and relief
from boredom apparent on his face.
"It's a from a planet I don't find on any of the charts. Sir, it's
not clear..."
"There's a small nebula ahead." Sulu interrupted. "Maybe
the signal's bouncing off that, causing some distortion?"
"No,..." Uhura further calibrated her instruments. "I think
the signal may be coming from a system near the nebula."
"Could the nebula have prevented previous detection of this system?"
Kirk theorized.
"Most likely, yes." Spock answered, peering into his scanner
screen.
"Can we put the hail onscreen?" Kirk leaned forward.
"Trying now." Uhura tried to fine tune the signal. "We should
be-" she was interrupted when the image of a dark purple being with
huge eyes and a wattle chin appeared.
"Thank you, Uhura." Kirk said quietly, then turned his attention
to the screen. "I am Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise,
representing the Federation of Planets."
"Are you from Earth?" the being asked, slightly anxious.
Kirk looked around. "We are a crew fairly represented by the Federation,
but as it happens, yes; many of us are from Earth."
"Oh, happy accident!" the being cried. "For your people's
wisdom and eloquence, we of Matarag are eternally grateful!"
Kirk squirmed in his seat. What rogue starship captain had violated the
prime directive here? And did he really have to set things right? Or couldn't
he just accept this being's greeting and happily continue on his way? One
glance at Spock, and he had his answer. Obviously, the Vulcan suspected
his thoughts. Not that Kirk would ever shirk his duties, but sometimes...
"Thank you." he answered, uncomfortably. "To what do we
owe this gratitude?"
"Well," the being demurred, "many hail the wisdom of your
King, and certainly both his Queens and the Prince are talented. Personally,
though, I bow to the wisdom of your Prime Minister."
Kirk had a distinctly pained expression on his face. "Our... Prime
Minister?"
"Yes. Many times, I have found guidance in the words of Prime Minister
Bruise."
"Prime... Minister... Bruise?"
"Oh, I forget. The signals we receive from your planet are probably
from before your time. That would be Prime Minister Bruise Pringsteen.
I must admit; at first, we thought he was the King; holding the
title of "the Boss", and all."
"Spock." Kirk said out of the side of his mouth, but noticed
the Vulcan was already scanning Earth History files.
"But" the being continued, "we were able to decipher the
monarchy of the true King, Elvi Spressly. Then there was his first wife,
Queen, who has a hauntingly melodic voice. We all mourned when she died,
but soon rejoiced when she was replaced by Queen Latifah. Oh, what an innovative
female! Wise beyond her years, to be sure."
"Spock!" Kirk gave a stage whisper, receiving a partial shrug
from the Vulcan.
"The Prince is not widely approved of." the being regretfully
admitted. "So when he abdicated his rights to the throne, becoming
formerly known as the Prince, not many (sad to say) mourned."
"Of course." Kirk grinned amenably, and glanced once more at
Spock.
"Then," the being sighed and rolled his eyes, "there is
the Mad Onna. What can one say about her? There is always one,
is there not?"
"Always." Kirk agreed, shifting in his chair. "Spock?"
"Sir." Spock responded in sotto voce. "I believe I have
found something."
Kirk sat back. "We would...love...to discuss the wisdom of
our monarchs...after we... do... something."
With an internal wince, he waited for the being's response.
"It's cool, our brothers." it said. "We will be keeping
our dial just here. This is Gugggie of Matarag, signing off!"
The screen went blank.
"Spock?" Kirk repeated.
"Captain." Spock straightened up, placing his hands behind his
back. "It would appear that the Mataragals have been intercepting
radio waves broadcasting from Earth during the latter twentieth century."
Kirk took a moment to absorb this. "God help us all." he concluded.
"The monarchs?"
"Edified musicians, given the dubious title of "Rock Stars".
The key was Queen Latifah, the only name they managed to repeat accurately.
The others, I am still guessing at."
Kirk mused. "So Matarag is..."
"Approximately two hundred and seventy light-years from Earth."
"Have they heard Grunge yet?" Uhura scoffed.
"Being unfamiliar with that term," Spock answered, "I can
not give an accurate answer."
"Let's hope they don't develop a taste for Heavy Metal." Sulu
joked.
"I don't know what any of you are talking about." Chekov shrugged.
"We'll-" Kirk interrupted, "have to explain things,
of course."
"Of course." the others agreed.
"Hail them."
Once again, the purple being appeared. "Ah! Captain Kirk! I rejoice
at your response, and tender toward you an invitation to a sumptuous meal,
forging a friendship between our peoples!"
"We accept." Kirk hastily answered. "Of course, we don't
know if our people consume the same foods yours do. What will we be having?"
"But of course!" Gugggie grinned. "Meatloaf!"
THE END