The Enterprise crew is on Vulcan after Spock has undergone the fal-tor-pan. They really don't have a lot to do to pass the time, so they fall into the habit of telling stories of past adventures. Under the circumstances, it is only natural that a lot of these stories have to do with Spock, although of course other random tales are also thrown in every now and then.
I was a fly on the wall, or the Vulcan equivalent, when McCoy related this tale to Kirk. I've heard a lot of the Untold Tales, but I'm only one being, and can't be in all places at one time. Besides, I have to sleep sometime! So if any of you have been privvy to any of these Untold Tales, please let me know, because we'd all love to hear them.
If you don't care for a little harsh language (nothing you haven't heard by the sixth grade), read no further. Otherwise, this is strictly G - rated.
Paramount owns Star Trek, of course. Wish I did, I could use the cash.
What follows is "Murphy's World", copyright 1996 by Beth Meenaghan.
- Bones, you look like a man with a lot on your mind.
Hm? Well, less than last week, anyway! Is that Saurian Brandy? Have a seat and pour me a coupla fingers. I was just thinkin' about that screwed up mission to Murphy's World. Do you remember, Jim?
- Not off the top of my head. Why don't you refresh my memory, Bones.
You remember - Murphy's World was that early Earth colony that had been established before the Federation was formed, not long after the development of warp drive. Bunch of colonists went out and homesteaded on a planet right next to the Klingon empire, unknown to them at the time. Basically broke all their ties with Earth. When the UFP was formed, nobody remembered them, so Murphy's World ended up well outside of UFP boundaries.
- I do remember, Bones. Klingons came in and took over, took the humans almost fifty years to get someone out to ask the Federation for help. You, me, and Spock went there on a rather unofficial mission to scout out the situation. As I recall, we went in undercover on a freighter.
Exactly. Not one of our more successful missions. Things went straight to hell from the very beginning. And the Federation wasn't able to do much for the humans, anyway, except offer them the opportunity to evacuate and relocate. We had no jurisdiction, couldn't go to war over a single planet that far outside of Federation space, not that the Organians would have allowed it anyway. Most of them refused to leave, unless they had children or were young enough that they felt it was worthwhile. On Murphy's World, that meant about fifteen. Saddest example of twenty-third century humanity I've ever seen with my own eyes. The Klingons had control of the food supply and were starving them out of existence. Killian wouldn't leave. Said she was too fucked-up to live anywhere else.
- Killian?
You never met her, did you?
- I seem to remember spending most of my time on Murphy's World in the custody of the Klingons.
Yeah, after your fateful trip to the bathroom.
- I managed to leave that small detail out of the official report. Come to think of it, you and Spock never did tell me what really happened during all that time, outside of the official report. In fact, over the years, the two of you have managed to tell me very little about what happens when I'm not around.
Well - I guess we've always tended not to be on our best behavior without you there to keep us in line. Are you in the mood for a story?
- I can hardly wait.
I guess it's time to tell it, after recent events. I haven't thought about the whole thing in years, and yet I remember it like it happened yesterday. 'Course, lately, I remember a lot of things, whether they happened to me or not, but that's a different story.
I'll never forget when we first met Killian. I was sittin' there in this smelly bar with Mr. Personality sittin' across from me. It seemed things really couldn't get worse. He was so pissed at me, Jim. I'd really done it this time, and he'd scarcely spoken to me in two days. We'd been in this hell hole about eight days, and you'd been missin' since the second day. You can well imagine we were sick to death of each other by now. It was cold, you remember, the Klingons having pushed humanity well into the northern latitudes near the arctic circle, in fact. Spock had to be absolutely miserable. We were in this bar waitin' for someone named Killian, a member of the resistance movement. That's all we knew, and I know we were both expecting a man. So we're sittin' there eating this god awful soup and drinkin' the local excuse for beer, when in walks this person with the biggest damn dog I've ever seen. Everyone in the bar turns and yells "Dixon," and it turns out they're talkin' to the damn dog. The person removes their head wrap - everyone is so wrapped up, they all look androgynous - and the surprise is all the red hair that falls out. First person I've seen that I could say for sure was female. So she goes to the bar, orders a beer and takes a look around, and next thing I know she's headed our way.
She walks right up to our table and says, "I'm Killian," and takes a chair and sits down. "I hear yer lookin' fer somebody." That's how she talked, sounded like a damn Carolina hillbilly. All these people had a rough edge to them, Jim, and Killian was no exception. I couldn't even tell how old she was, she could have been twenty or she could have been thirty. She had icy blue eyes that were absolutely ageless and a raspy voice, probably from all those cigarettes she was smokin'. Hell, the Klingons were probably supplyin' them with more cigarettes than food.
I let Spock do the talkin', and of course we found out that she didn't really know where you were. In fact, she couldn't tell us anything for certain. "I only know where he might be, if they even have him," she said. Still, the resistance was our only hope. So what she said we'd have to do is travel to the resistance headquarters, where there might be somebody with more information, then we'd go from there.
Well, the resistance movement was headquartered north of the arctic circle, and Killian informs us we're going to have to travel there by foot, over rough terrain. You might say I was just thrilled. Turns out this is what the dogs are for. She had four of them, and we used them as pack animals. They could carry quite a bit of weight, too. Terrain was too rough to use sleds. The dogs also slept with us at night, and I think we would have died without them.
- What kind of dogs?
What? Oh. She said they were St. Bernards.
Okay, so things did get worse. Now I was stuck with Mr.. Personality *and* Miss Congeniality, too. If I hadn't been so worried about you, I would've been plottin' my revenge. Paybacks are hell, you know. Now that I think of it, I believe you still owe me for this one.
I couldn't figure out if she hated everybody, or just men. At first I thought it might just be me, but when Spock told her she was being illogical - can't remember why. Since when does he need a reason? - she told him to "shut the fuck up." Hey, it worked. So he stopped talkin' to her, too, unless he had to, and so did I. So you can imagine what a good time we were all havin'.
We started out walkin' across an arctic tundra, and ended up climbing the local equivalent of Mt. Everest!
- You exaggerate, Bones. Have some more Brandy.
Prove it! I'm a doctor, not an arctic explorer! Times like that, I always forgot why I even joined Starfleet. The only reason they named it Starfleet and not the Intergalactic Navy was so they could get rid of that Never Again Volunteer Yourself joke!
So it took us three days to get to her headquarters, and it was none too soon. I was certain by now that Spock was the devil incarnate, sent to torment me during my time here among the living, in lieu of sending me directly to hell. I can't even say what I thought of Killian.
I'll never forget when we finally got there. Spock was walkin' ahead of us with this big dog, Nero, that had kind of adopted Spock. He treated the damn dog better than he treated me. Sure talked to it more. They climbed up to the top of this ridge and that dog just stopped and sat down. Spock stopped, too, and bent down and picked up a rock and threw it in front of him. I'll be damned if they didn't have some kind of forcefield surroundin' this valley. These people lived with the damnedest combination of technology and primitiveness that I've ever seen.
Anyway, I got to the top of the ridge, and looked down into this valley and got the surprise of my life. It seems there was a lot of geothermal activity here, and the valley floor was practically snow-free, here in the middle of this arctic wasteland.
Killian pulled somethin' out of her pocket and deactivated the forcefield so that we could pass through, and when we got down in the valley we went into a large cave. There was a whole network of interconnected caves, and they were full of hotsprings! It was warm and cozy. There were naked children running around everywhere. We finally got to take baths, after almost two weeks, so that was enough to make any man happy.
We were there two or three days, I don't remember, until we found out through their network of informants that you had in fact been kidnapped by the Klingons, like that was a surprise, and where you were being held. So now it was time for arctic trek, part two. Spock was still pissed at me. I was fairly convinced that he hated me, although he'd deny it, assumin' I could get him to talk about it at all.
- Bones, you still haven't told me why he was so mad at you.
Oh. So I haven't. You know, after all these years, I guess I still feel kind of embarrassed and ashamed about the whole thing. Give me some more Brandy.
Yeah, I guess I did push him too far that time. Didn't really mean to. It was a classic example of my mouth gettin' ahead of my brain. He had been drivin' me up the wall for days, actin' like a woman with PMS; grumpy as hell and in complete denial about it. Remember, this is five or six days after you disappeared and a coupla days before we hooked up with Killian. We were in our shabby excuse of a hotel room, and had been arguin' heatedly for several minutes, me insistin' he admit how worried he was about you, maybe start to see there was a possibility we wouldn't find you, Spock only becomin' more and more stubborn and denyin' any feelings in the matter to the point of absurdity, not even willin' to consider that you might be dead, or out of reach. I guess I got tired of beatin' around the bush, and I finally just came right out with it. "You know, Spock, one of these days, more likely than not, maybe sooner than later, we're gonna find ourselves at his memorial service. Do you really think you can keep it all inside then? What're you gonna do, not go so you can avoid standin' there and fallin' apart?"
The only thing Spock and I ever had in common was the way we both worried about you and your reckless behavior. And I had just spoken the Great Unspoken Truth, somethin' we both thought we knew but were never supposed to say. Honestly, Jim, I never thought you'd live long enough for us to be sittin' here now, as old as we are, havin' a drink together. I really didn't think you'd finish that five year mission. And I guess Spock believed the same thing, or feared it, but he was never one to give up on you. He'd never believe you were dead until he saw your body with his own eyes. He told me once "Never assume, Doctor, you make an ass out of you and me."
- Spock said that?
No, he said something about logic, but it meant the same thing.
Anyway, he stood there lookin' at me like a wounded animal, and boy did I feel like shit. Before I could say anything else, he turned and left, which I couldn't believe, under the circumstances. The last thing we needed was for him and me to become split up, we already had enough problems.
I knew what the problem was. He was visualizin' the whole thing, same as I was, probably for the hundredth time. Those damn memorial services. Getting through the words is the easy part. Then comes that unnatural stillness as you stand there and wait for those shots to fire. It gets so quite you can hear everyone breathin'. I never can quite prepare myself for it; those seven rifles fired in unison always cut through my heart right to my soul. You try to steel yourself against the second shot, and the third, but it's no use. Then there's that interminable wait while a member of the honor guard searches through the grass for twenty-one empty bullet casings, and they're folded ceremoniously inside of a brand new UFP flag, to be handed to the closest living relative or significant other. I always wonder when it's going to be my turn. Not to be the dead guy - that's the easy part. But to be the one standin' there accepting that flag, or even next to the person accepting that flag.
He was gone for over an hour, and I was worried sick. When he finally came back to the room, his face was stone cold, and he went to bed without speakin' to me.
So, anyway, over a week later we're setting out again to find you, and he's still only talkin' to me if he has to, and I'm wonderin' if things are ever going to return to normal, figurin' it really all hinges on whether or not we find you. We take off with Killian and her dogs again, and one other person who I don't really remember. After two or three days we make it to the Klingon camp, which is also in a geothermal area. Now that I think about it, I don't know what they were doing so far north - why they hadn't taken you to the southern latitudes that they occupied. Oh, well, it doesn't matter now. Anyway, we got to the camp, and it was abandoned, recently though. There was fresh snow on the ground and we found their tracks easily. Spock and I took off after them, Killian and her companion stayed at the Klingon camp, I don't remember why. Maybe it was important that the Klingons not see them or somethin' like that.
So we're travelin' across this glacier with a half meter of new snow on it, easily trackin' the Klingons, and suddenly we can see the Klingons mounting a rise ahead of us. It's impossible to tell if you're with them, because everyone is wearing so many clothes, but it's clear they do have a prisoner. So we take off runnin', though runnin' is a relative term in all those clothes and a half meter of snow. Nero is runnin' a little ahead of Spock, and I'm off to the side and kind of behind them. Suddenly Nero jumps, and Spock jumps, too, must have been shear reflex, and that's the last thing I see before I fall through a half meter of snow into that damn crevasse.
I must have fallen about thirty meters, landin' on this narrow ledge. I really don't know how that ledge stopped me. That crevasse was about the scariest place I've ever been, couldn't even see the bottom of it. I was just surrounded by all this shiny whiteness that eventually disappeared into darkness. At the same time, it was narrow and claustrophobic as hell. I was banged up pretty good, and had a concussion, kept fadin' in and out of consciousness. First thing I'm aware of was Nero barkin', and I can see him lookin' down at me, Spock on his knees next to him. I guess Spock unpacked Nero and got out the climbin' equipment. That's somethin' else Killian's people had - good climbin' equipment, lord knows where they got it.
So Spock climbs down in that crevasse to get me, and climbs back out carryin' me, I still wonder how. I was too out of it to know, thank God. It took him a few hours. By the time we got to the top, it had started snowin' again and the trail was covered. Killian and her friend had caught up with us again, and we made a camp. I don't know much about what happened after that, but I know it took Spock another two or three days to catch up with you again. God knows what he was going through during that time.
- I never knew that. I mean, I knew you fell into a crevasse and that it held Spock up, but I never knew you were so close to me when it happened.
Yeah, I guess we all left some things out of the official report. I still can't believe he stopped and came after me.
- Hell, Bones, he was never ruthless!
I know, but he could have easily continued after you and then come back for me, and said it was only logical considering how close you were, and that he didn't want to risk losing track of your location, blah blah, and thrown in a few odds of this, that, or the other happenin' for good measure.
When we got back to Enterprise, I finally thanked him, knowin' well it would probably just start another argument. He would probably say somethin' like "It was only logical, Doctor. One does not thank logic," or some smartassed remark about how he already regretted havin' done it because I was drivin' him nuts. Instead, he just stood there lookin' at me in this funny way, and finally said in his driest tone, "One never knows, Doctor. I may have need of you some day."
- That's a very un-Spocklike comment, especially in those days.
Yeah, no kiddin'. I just stood there speechless - that's probably why he said it, to make me speechless. He turned around and left, and in all these years we never talked about it again. And so here we are.
- And he was right.
He's right too damn much! Don't ever tell him I said so, I'll deny it!
- Bones . . . have some more Brandy.
End