A Different Perspective

T'Pring walked hurriedly, unmindful of dangerous heat from the midday sun. Though she passed no one, her efforts were on not allowing her features to betray her emotional state.

She barely paused to allow the gatekeeper to open the garden gate. It was not his place to react to her unexpected presence, and not even a flicker of surprise crossed his features, sparing her embarrassment. Only after starting down the path did she realize she had not told him whom she was here to see. Protocol now demanded he summon the head of the household. Logically, Sarek would not be home at this time of day, so Spock would be summoned - if logic did not fail her. It often did where Spock was concerned.

Stopping out of view of the main entry, she closed her eyes, trying to reach the first level of meditation. She had been unsuccessful at home; agitation had brought about this reckless endeavor. The mind disciplines still eluded her at seventeen, much to her father’s disapproval. Spock was more understanding, but his own apparent mastery intimidated her. He would have to be understanding today - her composure was less than perfect.

Stepping into view of the main entry, she was relieved to find Spock waiting for her. She approached him directly.

"T'Pring. This is not our usual meeting arrangement."

"Spock - ," she began, only to fall speechless. His lack of a proper greeting had caught her off guard. That simple statement told her so much - he was displeased with her behavior. They met at regularly scheduled appointments, and he came to her. To appear at his home, unexpected, uninvited, and unchaperoned, was unconventional at best, considered scandalous by many.

"Forgive me," he said, mindful of her discomfort and aware of his own lack of courtesy. "Your presence brings honor to the House of Sarek, T'Pring."

She relaxed some, but still he stood in the doorway, not showing her inside. "I wish to speak with you, Spock," she finally ventured. Her voice was not as steady as she had hoped.

"Come with me," he said, stepping towards her unexpectedly.

T'Pring followed him into the garden until they found the scant shade of some Terran trees. It felt cool there after her walk in the afternoon sun. She did not know how to begin, and it was Spock who had to begin the conversation.

"You wish to talk?"

She took a step back from him so she might more easily meet his eyes. "Father says you are withdrawing from the Academy."

"From the Vulcan Science Academy. Yes." She waited for him to continue, wanted to hear it from him without prompting. "I have decided to attend Starfleet Academy. I received notification of my acceptance three days ago."

"Earth," she whispered. Not so far away, she understood, but it might as well have been across the galaxy. "How long will you be there?"

"The typical applicant requires five Terran years to graduate."

"And after?" She was almost too breathless to speak.

He reached out to her then, pressing two of his fingers lightly against hers. It was a gesture he rarely made. "I - desire - to serve aboard a deep space vessel. A starship."

She drew a deep breath at the surge of emotion that flowed across that simple contact. He seldom shared with her so openly, despite her own efforts to be open with him.

"Nothing has changed, T'Pring."

"I see that," she murmured, feeling as if she were watching them from a great distance. "You have always planned to leave." She had to withdraw from the contact, unable to bear that such feeling was not on her behalf. Swallowing hard, she managed, "And what about us?"

"You are still my betrothed, T'Pring. I told you, nothing has changed. I will return when I am ready to have you as my wife. But now . . . we are young yet."

"Spock, I had hoped . . . I desire to bond with you before . . . I do not wish to wait too long."

"Indeed?" he asked, one eyebrow rising. "For what reason?"

"I - I wish to - to know you as yourself - ," she said, struggling for the right words.

"I do not understand." Impatient, she took his hand and held it tightly. "To know you intimately. To join our bodies and our minds for the first time - outside of pon farr's insanity."

"T'Pring!" he hissed, turning away from her. "You will not speak of it."
She watched his fists clinch and release in his effort to regain control. She had given up long ago, and knew her own feelings too near the surface.

"Spock - "

"Leave me now." His voice was tightly controlled.

She seemed riveted to the spot, unable to leave; finally he left her and returned to the house. T'Pring sat in the shade of the tree, leaving the garden only after she regained her control.

He came to her two days later for their usual meeting. No mention was made of his earlier anger, and during his remaining weeks at home T'Pring made no further mention of their bonding. She told herself there would be visits home. She told herself he would return for their bonding, and then remain with her forever. T'Pring determined that if she wanted him badly enough, she could wait. She even considered going with him; but after considering all the arguments against - giving up her own position at the Vulcan Academy of Arts, her father's certain objections - the single deciding factor was that Spock had not asked her to go.

On his last evening on Vulcan, Spock surprised her with tickets to an outdoor concert. Performed in a natural amphitheater on Vulcan's Forge, they lay back on sand still warm from the desert sun, watching the night sky. Spock reached over unexpectedly, placing his hand lightly on hers. T'Pring was overcome with the longing and desire she felt within him - but for the faraway stars, and whatever mysteries lay between them, rather than for her.

She did not see him off the following day, knowing she lacked the control to maintain anything like proper decorum. She spared Spock the embarrassment, and herself her father's
disapproval.

T'Pring waited impatiently for the signal from Vulcan Space Central, though her demeanor revealed none of it. Her father, she thought, would have been pleased with her control. For so many years, she had waited for this day, wanted it; now that it had finally come, she wanted only for it to be over.

Spock finally appeared before her on the viewscreen, looking much the same as he had when she'd last seen him, three years prior. There was a flicker of something within her at the sight of him, caused perhaps by the state of pon farr, and proximity, she told herself. Whatever she'd once felt for Spock had died it's final death on their last meeting.

"Why do you not return home more often, Spock?" she had asked him during his typically brief visit.

"I am not welcome in my father's home."

She had reached out to him then, lightly touching his hand. It was her right; he was her betrothed. "Then bond with me, and be welcome in your own home."

He had only closed his mind to her, and drawn away. "I cannot," was all he would tell her.

She closed her own mind to him then, and her heart, forever.

T'Pring listened while Spock greeted her in the traditional manner. She returned the greeting; empty words now, they meant none of the things she had always thought they would mean.

The connection was broken; she had only to wait for him to transport down. She turned to consider Stonn, standing apart from her, alone. His plainness was so evident after seeing Spock again. Beginning to feel some hesitation about what she planned to do, T'Pring told herself it was only the pon farr, her bond with Spock that was drawing her to him once again. She had accepted long ago that what she felt for Stonn would, on some level, always be less than what she had once felt for Spock. She had shared a betrothal link with Spock since she was seven, had grown up with him, expected to be with him for the rest of their lives. It had taken her a long time to escape that expectation and move on with her own life, as Spock had with his. Now they had been apart more years than they'd spent together.

Stonn must have felt her gaze on him; he looked at her, and their eyes held. T'Pring realized then that on another level, the one that mattered, Stonn would be more to her than she could ever have hoped Spock to be. Already, Stonn had been here to celebrate her successes, to guide her through her troubles. When her father died, it was Stonn who had climbed Mt. Seleya by her side to commit her father's Katra to it's final resting place. It would be Stonn who would keep her warm on cold desert nights, as he already had; Stonn who would father her children.

Her reverie was broken by the sound of the ceremonial gong carrying over the wind. She stepped into her place in the wedding party, her demeanor belying her inner turmoil. Her thoughts turned immediately to her father, and the conflict his memory caused over her present course of action. He had bonded her to the House of Sarek; a dutiful daughter was expected to carry out her father's wishes. And yet, she was about to challenge, at a ceremony presided over by no less than T'Pau. She had meditated over it for days already, and now forced the doubts out of her thoughts. She had made her decision, had informed Stonn of her plans; now was not the time to change her mind.

Unexpectedly, Spock was not alone. T'Pring watched while Spock knelt before T'Pau and gave up his thoughts; she was relieved that custom did not require the same of her. But then T'Pau delayed the ceremony, questioning Spock about his companions. T'Pring checked her irritation at this unexpected turn; she wanted only to proceed.

While Spock spoke with T'Pau, T'Pring studied him carefully; her doubts resurfaced, but for different reasons. Stonn was a farmer, used to physical labor and strong enough. Spock, always slight of build, was a trained Starfleet officer; he knew how to fight. Some said he had even killed. He was also a Vulcan male in pon farr; that in itself made him especially dangerous.

"Kal-i-far!" T'Pau's call began the ceremony.

Now Spock was moving forward to strike the gong. This was no time to change her mind. T'Pring moved quickly to stop him.

"Kal-i-fee!" she said firmly, not letting her doubts show. She held her palm firmly in front of the gong, and met his eyes defiantly. The look on his face sealed it; he would kill Stonn, she realized now. How had she not considered this before? T'Pau was explaining the situation to Spock's companions. T'Pring took advantage of the delay to rethink her options. What could she do? Who else could be the challenger? Not one of her own kinsmen. And the guards - that would be certain death for Spock, if it was even allowed. She did not wish to see him die at anothers hands; she just didn't want to marry him. And yet, she could not risk loosing Stonn.

"T'Pring, thee has chosen the kal-i-fee; the challenge. Thee are prepared to become the property of the victor?"

"I am prepared."

"Spock, does thee accept challenge according to our laws and customs?"

Spock could only nod.

"T'Pring, thee will choose thy champion."

At T'Pau's order, T'Pring moved ahead slowly, stalling for time.

"As it was in the dawn of our days . . . ."

Who could it be? What about one of the humans?

" . . . as it will be for all tomorrow's . . . "

He would turn it down, and T'Pau would allow it; he was not bound by Vulcan traditions. Then what? Spock would not want her after she had dared to challenge; he would free her.

" . . . I make my choice."

T'Pring paused for a moment in front of Stonn, meeting his eyes. Understand, she thought. Please understand what I am doing. Then she moved passed him, and approached the human called Kirk.

"This one," she said.

"No!" Stonn protested. "I am to be the one. It was agreed!"

"Be silent!"

Oh, Stonn, she thought, knowing how much this must hurt him, wishing there were time to explain. She would not, could not, meet his eyes.

"Hear me - I have made the ancient claim. I claim the right. The woman is - "

"Kroykah!" T'Pring shouted, and a guard stepped in front of Stonn.

"I ask forgiveness," he said, and finally backed down.

T'Pau was once again explaining things to the humans. T'Pring found it difficult to concentrate on what she was saying. Now Spock was speaking to T'Pau, begging her not to allow the human to fight. T'Pring could barely think straight. She had done it; now what would happen? She watched curiously as Kirk approached T'Pau.

"What happens to Spock if I decline?"

"Another champion will be selected."

What? T'Pring wondered. Had she made this choice for nothing, only to be forced to choose again? If the human declined, should not the battle be forfeited to Spock, who would then give her up willingly?

She could overhear the two humans discussing the situation, and realized that Kirk was going to go through with it. Why would he do such a thing? Listening further, she realized the humans did not understand the conditions of the contest. Surely, T'Pau would put a stop to this! She could not require Spock to fight to the death a man he called friend.

"It is done, Kirk - decide."

"I accept the challenge."

T'Pring felt her knees go weak beneath her. What had she done? This was not at all what she had expected. There was no way this human was a match for a Vulcan, let alone a Vulcan in pon farr. T'Pring realized she had misjudged T'Pau, and Kirk; she had written his death sentence.

"Here begins the act of combat for possession of the woman T'Pring." T'Pau continued to explain the rules, and the lirpa's were brought out. "If both survive the lirpa, we will continue with the ahn woon."

I will have to stop it, T'Pring realized. I will have to tell T'Pau I do not want this.

Now the humans were protesting. "No one said anything about a fight to the death."

Oh, T'Pau, do not let this happen, T'Pring thought as she watched the situation grow rapidly worse.

"Kroykah!"

T'Pau's cry silenced everyone; a guard threatened the human named McCoy.

"No further outbursts will be tolerated," T'Pau said with finality.

T'Pring stood riveted to her spot. Clearly, she could not approach T'Pau and change her mind now.

The battle began too quickly; the battle for her. She had caused this. T'Pring watched, horrified, as Spock quickly gained a clear advantage over the human. Kirk was wounded early in the round; the alien red blood oozing from his chest made her feel sick. Still, she maintained control, never revealing her inner turmoil.

"Kroykah!"

T'Pau stopped the fight just when T'Pring thought Spock would kill Kirk. Would she finally stop this nonsense? T'Pring held her breath, waiting to hear T'Pau's words; but T'Pau would only allow the doctor to inject Kirk with something to help him be better acclimated to the environment. The combatants were given the ahn woon. T'Pring held out hope that McCoy's potion would be enough to save Kirk. And then what? Spock dies? That was not at all what she had wanted.

Oh, father, what have I done? Why has my logic failed me now?

Spock was proficient with the ahn woon; Kirk did not quite know what to do with it. Spock finished the fight quickly, and T'Pring watched in horror as Kirk died an unpleasant death at the hands of his friend.

"Kroykah!" T'Pau called a final halt.

T'Pring watched Spock, now aware of what he had done, move towards her as if in a daze. While he spoke to McCoy, she struggled to maintain her control, as she could see he fought for his. When he finally approached her, he had mastered himself fully.

"T'Pring. Explain."

"Specify," she answered, stalling.

"Why the challenge, and why you chose my captain as your champion."

Because I could not bear to lose Stonn; and yet, I did not wish to see you die.

She could not tell him that!

Neither could she offer an empty apology, not to one who had just killed a man he called friend. Killed him because of her reckless, ill-considered decision.

"Stonn wanted me. I wanted him." She decided to stick with the most basic facts.

Spock's eyes shifted momentarily to Stonn. Finally, he said, "I see no logic in preferring Stonn over me." His eyes met hers again; he expected an explanation. It suddenly occurred to T'Pring that she belonged to Spock now.

"You have become much known among our people, Spock; almost a legend. And as the years went by, I came to know that I did not want to be the consort of a legend."

She remembered how she swore she would wait for him, no matter what, and felt some sadness that it had not happened that way.

"But by the laws of our people, I could only divorce you by the Kal-i-fee. There was also Stonn, who wanted very much to be my consort, and I wanted him. If your captain were victor, he would not want me, and so I would have Stonn. If you were victor, you would free me because I had dared to challenge, and again I would have Stonn. But, if you did not free me, it would be the same, for you would be gone . . . . "

She thought of how he had only returned home three times since leaving for the academy; how he might have chosen duty closer to home, but had instead chosen deep space.

" . . . and I would have your name, and your property, and Stonn would still be there."

"Logical. Flawlessly logical."

Only then did T'Pring's composure falter. Is this what it took to gain his approval?

"I am honored," she managed before dropping her gaze from his.

"Stonn," Spock said. "She is yours. After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."

What did he know of wanting? T'Pring wondered, bitterness creeping into her thoughts.

Spock turned away without speaking to her again. T'Pring looked after him as he walked away from her for the last time.

The End